I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
