Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
