So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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