Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
