you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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