Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
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