Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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