Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
