Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
