Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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