If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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