Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
