Do you still have your period?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
