Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
