Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
