this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
