whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
