I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
