but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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