Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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