dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
