i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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