I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
