Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
