You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
