Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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