What a fucking waste of an outfit
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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