Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
