i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
