I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
