I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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