I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
