I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize