I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's get the cat blown out
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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