dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
