i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was CRYING into my vagina
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
