Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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