Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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