Someone shit on the floor
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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