I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
