You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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