Redeem this text for a blowjob
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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