He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
