I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
