well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
