You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize