he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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