Can i not drive my cunt home
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
this will be a night to untag.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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