So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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