my phone needs a breathalizer
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
