i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
no you cant smoke seaweed
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
