I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
