did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
