My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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