My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
