omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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