I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
