You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
