my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
