We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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