my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i used baking grease as lip gloss
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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