Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You ruined the universe
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
