Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
