I'm so fucking centered right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
