brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
