Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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