What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
