I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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